5 Valuable Life Lessons Anxiety Taught Me

Opening up and sharing five valuable life lessons that anxiety taught me!

Last December I had my first ever panic attack, after a press breakfast in the middle of Trafalgar Square and it was HORRENDOUS.

I was massively over worked - I had so many deadlines coming up I really didn't know how to manage everything, didn't know where to start. It was a massive wake up call and I vowed to do better for myself, to put less pressure on myself and take it easy.

But then back in June, even though I'd previously had a panic attack, I had my first real experience with anxiety and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it was hell. Having not been back from Bali for long, I had around 8-10 deadlines all looming and felt like I was being pulled a million different ways, but there was only one of me, so what could I do?

I felt it building up over a couple of weeks, but seen as I'd never really experienced anxiety before I didn't really know what it was, or how it would affect me. Then one day I went to London for a press appointment at Monsoon to pick out some pieces to shoot, and found myself crying my eyes out in their changing rooms.

Nothing specifically was wrong, yet everything was wrong at the same time.

I text Ben and asked if he could head home from work as early as he could, I got the train home, put my pjamas on, sat on the sofa with my hot water bottle, watching films and crying.

When Ben got home, I just couldn't stop crying, I felt silly because nothing had happened, I couldn't tell him exactly what was wrong, but everything felt off. The best way I could explain it to him, was that I felt like 10% of myself.

I didn't feel like me, I'm usually so optimistic and happy go lucky, but to get out of bed and changed was a struggle, let alone dealing with emails, deadlines and admin. I quickly wrapped up any work that I needed to and emailed any upcoming work to cancel it, and took a full week off work.

Since I started blogging full time three years ago, I don't think I've ever actually taken a week off work, how mental is that?! Being self employed the 'if you don't work, your business won't work' mentality is constantly being drummed into you. So you feel guilty for having time off, but it's not healthy to not have time off, to not have a break from your work. Everyone needs to switch off sometimes!

In that week off, I learnt so much about myself. I went to visit a nutritionist, I know what you can eat can seriously effect your health and wellbeing so I wanted to start from the bottom. The nutritionist told me that my lifestyle of working late nights and weekends was so unhealthy and that I needed to time block my days and have set working days/hours.

I reconnected with myself and nature; I took time off to go to the gym, to take long walks in the sunshine along the seafront, to read (I find reading helps me SO much when I'm feeling anxious!), to spend time with my friends, Ben and my family. I needed sometime with myself, to remember who I was again (sounds V deep I know, but I massively felt like I'd lost site of myself in being 'busy').

It was exactly what I needed! During that time I felt like I learnt so much about myself, I did some soul searching and figured out what I did and didn't want from my life. More than that, anxiety taught me some really bloody valuable lessons, I'm grateful that it happened in a way, although it was hell at the time, it really put some things into perspective for me and I needed to figure these things out!

Here's five valuable lessons that anxiety taught me!...

1.) Life really IS too short to give a fuck about the things that don't matter: 

Oh my GOD the biggest thing that anxiety taught me was how irrelevant somethings are that I'd worry about; how many followers you've gained on Instagram that day? What edit to use on that picture? How comes 'x' got that job and not me? Did that picture get enough likes?

When you're dealing with anxiety and your mental health isn't running at 100%, my god trivial things seem so ridiculous. It really put that into perspective for me, of course I care about my job, my editing, my pictures, my followers, but when something like that happens, it makes you realise that it isn't EVERYTHING.

Health, love, family - that is EVERYTHING!

I've still been working hard on my blog and social media channels, but since dealing with anxiety, I've taken a much more laid back approach on my job. I'll upload a picture then leave my phone across the room, if it doesn't get as many likes as I'd hoped... SO WHAT. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things - I'm glad anxiety taught me that.

2.) The mind is powerful and incredible, just as it is terrifying:

When anxiety struck me I was terrified, terrified of how bad I felt, terrified it would never end, terrified I would go mad, terrified it wasn't normal. Having just read Matt Haig's Reasons To Stay Alive, it seems these are quite a normal thought process for anyone dealing with anxiety.

It WAS scary when anxiety hit, but it also taught me just how incredible and powerful the mind is. Sometimes it will lead you to shit situations BUT, it will also lead you to incredible ones. It taught me that I had the ability to heal myself.

I stripped it back to basics, each morning I'd shower and eat my breakfast in the sunshine, I'd read a book and have a slow start to the day (why do we always feel like we have to be in a rush?), I'd go swimming or for long walks along the seafront to clear my mind. I'd have hot bubble baths and I was ploughing through books like there was no tomorrow. I was spending lots of time alone, because I felt like I needed it, but also when I needed it, I'd surround myself with my friends, family and Ben.

3.) What I really wanted from my life and work:

Like I said, anxiety put things into perspective for me, I felt like I needed that to shake up my life in a way. I was caught in such a rut of being 'busy' and constantly working, but on what, and for who?

Sometimes it's normal as a blogger to be pulled in a million different directions by brand, to create content for other people, but what about the content we want to create for ourselves? The photo shoots 'just because'? Scrap booking our amazing ideas and travels? Experimenting with fashion and outfits? Writing?

I didn't realise it but I'd massively fallen into a trap of creating content for others, and not for myself. It really made me take a step back, take a look at myself and my work. What DID I want? I wanted to write an e-guide, so I started writing an e-guide. I wanted to shoot 'just because', so that's what I did. Make sure you're doing what makes YOU happy and not just working for others.

4.) Talking helps!:

My best friend has always said to me; "As much as you wear your heart on your sleeve, sometimes I never know something is wrong, until it's wrong because you don't tell me". And it's true, sometimes I'm one of those gals who just tries to figure everything out for herself, and whilst I love that quality about myself, sometimes I also need to understand that it's OKAY to talk and have help from others.

I realised that I needed help and support from Ben and my friends, and I allowed them to help me. I also needed help and space from you guys, so I put a message on my stories to say that I was dealing with anxiety and needed some time off, and oh my god the response I had was so overwhelming (THANK YOU!!), I had so many kind messages of love, support and advice on how you had dealt with anxiety, I can't tell you how much that helped, and how I put a tonne of that advice into practice, and felt a million times better for it!

5.) I AM ENOUGH!

Sometimes this world we live in, terrifies me. How people strive to portray the 'perfect life', how we're always trying to be perfect, and not appreciating or acknowledging what we have. Comparison really IS the thief of joy. Anxiety taught me that I AM ENOUGH. That my worth or success isn't defied by how many followers I am, but how I'm a good person, by the things I do, by the people I help, and love and care for. It's so easy to get wrapped up in a comparison game, but the only person you will hurt, is yourself.

Know that you are enough, know that you are beautiful, and kind, and successful, and loving. Know that you're the best version of yourself. And if you're not? Then try to be, not for anyone else, but for YOURSELF! <3

Wow, that turned into a bit of a waffle didn't it?! I can't tell you how good it felt to just sit down and WRITE. I feel like I haven't done a personal post, or just sat down to write what's on my mind for a long time, and it feels bloody amazing I have to say! Writing for me, just like reading is a form of therapy.

In a nutshell, those were five of the life lessons that anxiety taught me, I'm working on some posts on how I lost myself, and how I healed myself again, which I'll publish soon.

I hope this post helps anyone reading it, I'd love to know what lessons anxiety taught you, if it's something you've ever dealt me! Please leave a comment and let's open this topic up! <3